Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
