oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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