toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
