Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
