I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
