i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize