I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
