I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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