I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
