just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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