Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
