I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize