You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
