There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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