You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
