he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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