I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
