so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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