is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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