So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
