She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
