I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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