You're so nebulous sometimes
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
