Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
