They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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