I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
