you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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