Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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