saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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