You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
