she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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