Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
