He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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