I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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