Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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