he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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