she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
