I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
