My liver just broke up with me...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize