he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
