Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You've changed since you got that strap on
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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