Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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