3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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