Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
