Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
