and next time when you feel me up, do it right
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
