Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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