Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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