it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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