if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i was born a porn star she said
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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