How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
