sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
