Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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