In the future we'll all be gay
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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