I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
