I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We need to rekindle our bromance
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
