More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
