the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
