This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
