My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
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