You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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