I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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