it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
