I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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