I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
