I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
