In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
