oh god the rape fog is back!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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