My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
