"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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