I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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