Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
