the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
