used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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