I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize