i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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