I got her a Nickelback box set.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
