If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
