oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
