apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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