why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
