Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
