I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
