It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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