OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
