What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
