It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Mom said you looked used
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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