$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Randomize
