Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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