we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
