Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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