I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
