I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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