____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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