Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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