you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
