They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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