There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
