shes about as inviting as chlamydia
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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