I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
