brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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