I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
