You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
