One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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