matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
