you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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