My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize