he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
